When I scroll through the ‘spoken word’ hashtag on social media
It’s like being at a funeral
Except…
I’m dead
And you’re dead
And everyone else
Is dead.
And…
The oceans have risen
Civilisation has fallen
The ice caps have melted
The Amazon is all gone
The animals – all died out
The farmland – all dried out
The sun went and died
And that put the lights out
You accidentally liked your ex-boyfriend’s thirst trap
And the r/cats subreddit? Completely wiped out.
That is how it feels when you scroll through the ‘spoken word’ hashtags on social media.
And don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that all poets must be social comedians
Frankly the thought is quite inconceivable
We can’t all be Billy Collins, Pam Ayres or Spike Milligan
But really, does it all have to be so miserable?
I’m sorry that your boyfriend cheated on you with a drag queen called Grizelda
And someone left a comment on your selfie asking if your make-up’s done by welders
And I get that you think that you’re the first person in the world to go through puberty
Although your claim to have invented sadness? That one’s somewhat new to me
You painted your bedroom black; now you can’t find the light switch
You bought some Emily Dickinson and you certainly plan to read it
You should take your Edward Cullen posters down when you read those verses of yours
You’re reciting a bloody poem, not auditioning for The Cure.
Another one inspired by a true story! Just take a look on social media, on TikTok especially. No is writing funny poetry (especially me); everyone has to be so bloody earnest.
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